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See, you think I give a shit. Wrong. In fact, while you talk, Im thinking; How can I give less of shit? Thats why I look interested.
Engagement rings are pointless. Indians gave cowsOh sorry, congrats on proposing. We good now? Can I finish my indian story?
Look, were basically on earth to shit and fuck. So unless your jobs to help people shit or fuck, its not that important, so relax.
No. Humans will die out. Were weak. Dinosaurs survived on rotten flesh. You got diarrhea last week from a Wendys.
You seen my cell phone?Whats it look like? Like two horses fucking. Its a phone, son. It looks like a phone.
Stop trying so hard. He doesnt like you. Jesus, dont kiss an ass if its in the process of shitting on you.
I found some shit in your roomNo, I found actual shit. FecesWell I should hope its from your shoes, otherwise what the fuck?
Dont ask for my opinion then. I said congrats on the car, just saying nobodys panties are getting wet from a fucking Honda Accord.
Science and Mother Nature are in a marriage where Science is always surprised to come home and find Mother Nature blowing the neighbor.
Nah, we dont celebrate it. Dont know who St. Valentine was, dont give a shit, and doubt he wants people screwing in his memory.
Dont mess with himTrust me, you dont fuck with a man that sleeps next to a woman he never screws. Theyre unpredictable.
Fine, lets take a vote. Who wants fish for dinner?Yeah, democracy aint so fun when it fucks you, huh?
Were out of Grape Nuts No, whats left is for me. Sorry, I should have said Youre out of Grape Nuts.
I just want silence. Jesus, it doesnt mean I dont like you. It just means right now, I like silence more.
Were banned from the dog park. Well, I guess its okay to hump, and its okay to bark, but both at the same time freaks people out.
Son, no one gives a shit about all the things your cell phone does. You didnt invent it, you just bought it. Anybody can do that.
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